I define forgiveness as a state of Grace whereby charged, tumultuous feelings that once connected me to another person or situation, totally disengage or disconnect with compassion. –Lindsey

Forgiveness is still a hard issue for me. I look at forgiveness as a gradual process. For so long, my inner children blamed themselves for the abuse, feeling that by doing so they would gain control they did not have, over a situation. Total forgiveness hasn't arrived yet since I find that I occasionally push myself more than I need to. Rather than giving myself a break, I'll add another stressful situation, just like my perpetrators did to me. –Brooke

When I place myself in the larger picture, understanding that it’s not what happens to you but how you allow it to affect you, harboring bitterness or unforgiveness makes no sense. The only feeling I can muster for perpetrators is compassion, sorrow, pity. To be so desperate they have to grab whatever it is they’re after in their overindulgence and cruelty, must be a terrible way to live. –Margaret

The more I exercise and expand my ability to unconditionally love, the more I see that forgiveness is merely a natural by-product of it. Now the greatest effort lies in overcoming the programming from abuse, and learning self love and acceptance. When this is done, all else falls into place. I believe that judgment is created by humans because they live in a world where everything is relative to something else. As far as humanly possible, I practice making continual conscious choices not to judge anyone –this includes the perpetrators in the world. But first, I had to remember and have a full experience of the anger that resulted from their abuse of me. It has taken me years to learn to appreciate my past as the process that lead me to remember who I really am.Susan

I had often worked on forgiveness issues during various therapy sessions, but never before had I faced the total engulfment of its force from the years of abuse. The release of the anger and the new found freedom allowed me to reach the pinnacle of forgiveness. I started by forgiving myself for not acknowledging my own innate worth as a daughter of God. I also asked my inner selves for forgiveness for anything I might have done to magnify their pain, and acknowledged each part for all they had done for me. I had a great support team to teach me how to love myself. The more I loved myself, the more I was able to forgive others. My greatest challenge was to forgive and honor my physical body. It had been the object of the abuse. The cellular memory was a powerful, graphic, and painful reminder of all that had happened. Several hours of Rapid Eye, massage, craniosacral, Reiki, DNA release, therapeutic touch, and sensory stimulation were instrumental in this difficult forgiveness process. –Carol

It was only through [the] process of letting go, that I was able to forgive [my father] for the crimes he had perpetrated against me. I have still to work through forgiveness of my mother.... As far as forgiving the cult, all my perpetrators have become dust, a part of that larger whole. Perhaps if I was younger and they were still alive, I might think differently. I might want to find them and take them to trial. I don't know…Most importantly, have I forgiven myself? ...Sometimes I think I have forgiven myself, only to find another layer of shame. In the past I said, "I forgive myself." I did so because I thought I should, rather than because I had looked deeply into myself. I came to realize, however, that ten years ago–even six years ago–was too soon to forgive myself, my father, my mother, my stepmother, anyone. I didn't even know the full extent of the crimes. How could I forgive? It is different now. I was a victim then, with no power. Since taking back my power, I have no further need for hatred or revenge. –Terry

I define forgiveness as a state of Grace whereby charged, tumultuous feelings that once connected me to another person or situation, totally disengage or disconnect with compassion. Through attentive insight, I have sensed the charge as psychic/energy cords that I would not cut or unplug even though they continuously fed my feelings and power to someone else. In this charged state, my deceptive belief system thinks it has an investment to stay connected, even though the leaching drains me and can feed those who abused me. It’s not a process that occurs cognitively. It’s not rational. In being willing to recognize my part, Grace, in its divine timing, manifests the impulse to truly cut loose, release, allowing me to reclaim myself and my power. –Lindsey

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Document last updated on 10/01/99-11:26:52.